Ultrasound 5w5d

Here is our baby....only one baby but I am happy with that. I think G might be disappointed because she really wanted twins.

Our 3rd beta was 6233 which if I figured it out right is doubling every two days which is good news. We didn't see anything but the sac but I'm told it's still early and my ovaries were still huge which made it hard to see in my uterus. My belly continues to go down everyday so not as much fluid in my abdomen but I still have to have the lovenox shots for another week. We are hoping to see a heartbeat at the next ultrasound in a week.

I have a horrible cold right now and of course there is basically nothing I can take that helps. So I'm home on the couch suffering. If you know of anything that will help with my stuffy nose let me know please!

So far so good

Well I got some catching up to do!!  I am sorry!  I did go for blood work and my HCG was 178 on 10dp5dt so it doubled in 48 hours!!  No more blood work since then so I am hoping it is still going up.  I still haven't broke down and POAS again.  After I got the BFN the morning of my blood test I fear seeing another one, but I want to finally see a BFP on a HPT so I am torn.  I would like to have a picture of one for a scrap book of all the fertility stuff, but what if I am someone it doesn't show up in urine or something and I get another BFN and I panic that I am miscarrying?  This stuff still messes with your head even after you find out your pregnant!!! 

Anyways I am feeling sooo much better.  The fluid goes down every day.  I only have a small bump now which does get people asking if I am pregnant.  "Well yes but this is not baby yet its fluid" lol Here is a picture of G and I on Christmas and you can see my bump!  I'm in green!



 

 

Today I am 5w1d.  I feel like all I do is eat.  I am starving about every two hours, so I have definitely been eating a lot.  That is so unlike me.  Normally if I eat three times a day that was a lot.  I never had a big appetite and was forcing myself to eat while doing the stims trying to get those eggs good and healthy.  Well now there is no forcing.  I want food all the time.  I think if I could eat every minute I would! lol

 

The lovenox (blood thinner) shots are going well.  I think they are what has been helping with the fluid.  I started feeling better after starting the shots.  G is still good at giving them to me!!  I couldn't do it myself for sure.  I was concerned they would hurt the baby/babies, but I looked it up online and it looks like some people take it to prevent miscarriage and it seems safe so I hope it is!!  Anyone else had to do these shots?

 

I went back to work yesterday..... I had been off more then a week.  It was a good day to go back because of the snow I only had to work a half day and my office is closed today so I am starting off going back to work slow. We got about 8 inches of snow here in PA where we live.   I want these babies or baby to stay in there so I am trying my best to just relax as much as I can.  I will work tomorrow and Saturday then have off another 3 days.

 

New Years Eve we have an ultra sound scheduled.  I am assuming we will be able to see if there is 1 or 2 babies right?  G is hoping for two....I would really be happy with just 1.  Two scares me!! But I would be happy no matter what!  I can't wait!!  It can't come soon enough!

I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas!! 

Home

So I think I forgot to mention that the doctor did not want me to go back to work for awhile.  I am stuck at home!!  Since I only feel good in a reclining position its nice to be home, but its boring!!  G just started working 13 hour shifts so it seems even longer.  Yesterday I spent most of the day on the couch.  I got up to shower and go to the grocery store both of which tired me out a lot.  Having about 5 lbs of fluid in your belly doesn't make things fun.  It pushes on everything and it hurts!!

I can do my blood work today or tomorrow so I think I will try to go first thing tomorrow morning.  I still don't really feel like doing much.  OHSS is NOT fun!!  Plus my doctors office closes at noon today so by the time the lab sends them the results I am sure I wouldn't hear till tomorrow anyways. 

My new shots are going ok, but hurt and are bruising my belly.  They are blood thinners.  I guess my estrogen level is 5000 so that means possible blood clots.  I guess it is good for many reasons I went to the doctor on Tuesday.  They didn't drain me like I had hoped, but I got my great news a day early and got the blood thinners so that I don't get clots.  I am pretty sure blood clots would be bad!!

So now I wait for the next HCG level tomorrow.  I hope its still going up.  I am a little concerned because the past two mornings I was puking, but I didn't today.  I REALLY hope that doesn't mean my levels are going down!  I hope it means it was the OHSS making me sick!

Well if you need me you will be able to find me on my couch for awhile!  I am not sure when I can go back to work.  My note says "until further notice"

Results are in

We are PREGNANT....I couldn't believe it.  I asked her many times if she was serious lol HCG is 81 and progesterone is >40.  But I do need to have those shots every day!!  Ugh back to shots again!  Anyways my day got sooooo much better.  And I learned not to POAS because they lie!!  Now I am off to relax like I am suppose to!

8dp5dt

I have continued to grow and not taller!!  My belly is huge and my belly button is now swollen shut!!  Yesterday was the worst!  I was so uncomfortable and felt sick.  I have been having very bad heart burn that only goes away if I eat something.  It even wakes me up in the middle of the night. 

I did not make it through work yesterday I had to leave early.  I was so uncomfortable.  I couldn't wait to come home and put my feet up.  I have to sit in a reclining position to feel better.  G and I decided last night that I needed to go to the doctor.  The fluid was everywhere in my abdomen and I was having pain in my chest and shortness of breath.  Also we had decided to POAS in the AM. 

Well I had to get up to use the bathroom at midnight because my belly hurt bad so when I woke up at 4 and tried to POAS I couldn't get much out and it read "not pregnant"  I tried to tell myself it was because I hadn't peed enough, but deep down I thought for sure I wasn't pregnant.  I was just putting on a brave face for G.  I didn't want her upset for work.  Right before she left for work I started puking...ugh!!  She held my hair and got me a cool wash cloth, but she still had to leave for work...I was upset and called my mom to go with me to the doctor because if G couldn't make me feel better then of course my mom could right??  lol

The doctor found I have huge ovaries and fluid in my abdomen.  Which I knew...duh!!  Anyways he wasn't able to drain it because the fluid was everywhere, but not in big pockets anywhere so he wouldn't have been able to get enough to make a difference I guess....ugh I was really hoping for some relief!!  It is very painful.

They also talked to me about another shot in my belly!! ugh I thought they were over!!  Depending on my blood work (yes they did a beta too) I might need blood thinner shots.  They claimed it was unlikely, but gave me a script just in case.  They would call me in a few hours with all my results and let me know!!  More waiting.....

4dp5dt

I am feeling better, but I am getting a lot bigger!  Most of the pain in my belly went away, but now it just keeps getting bigger.  So I guess I am very bloated.  It is only uncomfortable when my pants don't fit...which would be my work pants!!  We think I have been looking about 3-4 months pregnant the past two days.  I haven't had a huge weight gain maybe 1 or 2 lbs. 

I still have a terrible time sleeping at night.  I sleep fine till about 12-2AM then my lower back hurts so bad I toss and turn.  If I basically sit all the way up...up on like 3-4 pillows with my knees to my chest I can get back to sleep for a short time.  Then about 4 I am wide awake waiting for G's alarm to go off.  Before this week I never got up with her, but since transfer I have been up every day with her.  I am also starving so then I eat my first breakfast....I don't know if that's abnormal because I am normally not up that early so maybe I just get hungry because I am awake.

So are these pregnancy symptoms, OHSS symptoms, both, all in my head, or from my meds????.....your guess is as good as mine!! 

I would love to POAS but G said I can't till Tuesday.  I am not really stressed about it so it is probably best if I don't because then I am sure I will start stressing one way or the other!!  If its a BFN I will worry it will never be a BFP and if its a BFP I will worry it won't stay that way.  In the tww you just can't win!!  So for now I am still pregnant with twins till proven otherwise!!

OHSS

So I think I do have OHSS =(  I can't sleep at night because my back hurts so bad and my belly hurts so bad when I pee.  Also today I am just so uncomfortable.  I am getting so tired!  All I wanna do is sleep, but it doesn't happen.  Tonight I might try to sleep sitting up.  I haven't gained weight and my belly isn't huge so I don't think I need to go to the doctor.  I just have to wait and hope it gets better!

When I called the nurse to ask about OHSS I also asked about our other embryos.  She was looking up my file then she suddenly says "Wow there are 22 frozen so you had 24 since you transferred 2 and only 4 were discarded"  I said "yea now you understand why I don't feel good?" lol

I have no idea what we are going to do with 22 babies.  We definitely don't need that many.  I will look into donating the embryos before our free year of storage is up.  It will cost a lot to store them all so we won't be able to store them all past a year. 

I am going to try to relax and get some sleep!

Transfer

Couldn't sleep last night my back hurt so bad, so I got up early and emailed the lab manager again.  I was sure since it was Day 5 she would tell me something about our babies....but I was wrong!  She said we would get pics and they would talk to us at transfer.  I was mad!  Why are they so secretive??

We drove the 2 hours to get there and I had my first ever acupuncture appt.  I didn't like it much.  Not because of the needles....they didn't bother me....it was because of the laying there waiting.  Since my back has been hurting it continued to hurt laying there.  I am just not a patient person!! 

After that we went in to the room for transfer.  I was sure the embryologist would come in and talk to us about our babies but NO!  When I asked they said the doctor would talk to us about them.  He came in and gave us pics of all the embryos.  All 28 but they didn't all make it to blast.  He counted 20 he thought we had.  At the time I was confused because I counted 28, but after doing research I figured out he was just counting the ones they would probably keep.  I kept asking about the quality and he just kept saying "they are wonderful your chances are great"  He is a sugar coat kind of guy which I don't like.  I was really hoping to get the other doctor...the one who did my retrieval...he is much more straight forward. 

Anyways he asked us how many we wanted to transfer and said we would be good candidates for a single embryo transfer.  We told him we still wanted to transfer two and he was fine with that.  The actual transfer wasn't too bad.  It was actually pretty quick.  When the embryologist came in with our babies I did ask her what the grade was since the doctor wouldn't give us a real answer.  She said they were both 5AA.  The doctor seemed somewhat offended that I didn't trust his answer...well he never really gave me an answer!!   I did research when I got home and the grades are pretty darn good I think!! =) 

I did ask the doctor about my pain I have in my back at night and in my belly when I pee.  Both are getting worse.  He said my ovaries are huge and I might need them drained. Ekkkk...I really don't want that to happen.  I really hope I can prevent that!

After the transfer I had acupuncture again.  This time was better, but it still isn't my cup of tea.  I think I would much rather a massage!!

So here are our babies....

We are pregnant with twins till proven otherwise!!  Hope they are snuggling in!!

Update

The doctors office did call on Thursday to give me the update on our babies.  Out of the 36 eggs 33 were mature and 28 fertilized!!  Yes Thursday we had 28 babies!!  We were shocked and very excited!!  So they scheduled us for a Day 5 transfer Monday at 9:45.  My next decision was to do acupuncture before and after transfer.  My clinic has it right there and they give one free one with every IVF, but they say it's best if you do one before and one after transfer.  I of course got online and did some research.  I found some studies that says it helps, but also found some that says it doesn't.  Sooo that didn't help with my decision.  Then I asked G what I should do and she says I should do it.  So I make the appts one for 8:45 one for 10:45.  I like it when she makes the decisions it takes so much pressure off me!!

Thursday I woke up feeling just a little sore, but by the end of the day I felt like a balloon.  When I got home from work I asked G if I looked like one?! lol  I started to worry about OHSS.  So I took it easy and felt much better yesterday and feel even better today.  I am hoping the worst is over!

Yesterday I started to wonder about our babies and how they were doing.  I wasn't sure if they were going to contact me about them or if I was suppose to contact them so I emailed the lab manager.  She told me that they don't even look at them on Day 2 and they won't contact me about them unless its bad news.  They will check on them on Day 3 to make sure they don't have to move up the transfer, but with the amount of eggs we had she doubted that would happen.  So no news is good news and today was Day 3 and no call about our babies!!  So yay we must still have lots of babies growing!!

I did get a call from the doctor's office today.  They want to move my transfer later Monday to 12:15.  Which is fine with us because their office is 2 hours from us.  I just had to make sure I could reschedule my acupuncture as well and I was able to.  Now they are 11:15 and 1:30. 

Now just wait till Monday!!

Eggs, Eggs, and more Eggs

So I went to my monitoring appt Monday (Day 10).  I was soooo nervous, but of course for nothing!!  That is me the worry wart!!  They told me that my progesterone level was not high and that they are not canceling my cycle.  She told me the same thing G told me "stop looking online!" lol I had about 20 follicles.  I triggered that night with HCG and had my retrieval today!  The HCG shot was the worst of all the shots.  G got really good at giving them but that one hurt and actually still hurts.  Hope I am done with the shots!!

G and I had to get up at 4 AM to get there by 7:30.  G is NOT a morning person at all.  When we got there I was soo happy to see that my favorite nurse would be in there with me.  That calmed my nerves so much!  And she was so lucky I like her so much because she took two tries to get my IV in and that is they thing that bothers me the most.  I HATE IVs. If she would have been any other nurse I am sure I would have had a few choice words for her.... I had a different doc then I normally do, but I loved him to.  Their are two doctors at the place I go to.  He told us to come up with a number of eggs we thought he would get and he would bet that he could beat it.  We guessed 21.  Well we were sooo wrong!  When the anesthesiologist came in to prep me and the nurse was going to prep me I started to complain I guess....so he said it was time to go to sleep and put stuff in my IV. lol That was the last thing I remember.  G told me after I woke up that when the nurse started prepping me I sat up and said "I didn't know you were down there" then layed back down and when I started to wake up I told G "I was texting people while I was sleeping" lol I guess I talked to the doctor too before he left, but I don't remember any of that.  I woke up in some pain, but the nurse gave me 3 doses of fentenyl....so then I felt much better!!

So G told me they had filled all the tubes they had in the room with the fluid from my follicles and that they were in the lab counting them.  They said it would be 10 mins.....Well an hour later they come back and tell us 36....YES I said 36!!  We were shocked!  I asked the doctor if this might affect the quality of the eggs and he said he doesn't know, but he had a donor that donated 69 eggs and of those 3 people got pregnant so that made me feel better. 

Of course they talked to me about OHSS and told me to drink lots of water.  The doc also gave me some meds to help prevent it.  I feel great right now so I hope that means it won't happen!!  Also I wanna go back to work tomorrow!  I've taken enough time off already and have more to take off.

The doctors office will call tomorrow with the number that's fertilized.  We can't wait to hear how our babies are doing!!  And we can't wait for Dec 19th when we find out we are pregnant!!  See I am thinking positive!! =)

Need Help

Ok I need someones help!!  I need someone to tell me they did IVF and their progesterone rose before their retrieval and they still had success.  Day 8 I had my bloodwork and my progesterone was 2 and my LH was 4.  Also my e2 was 1740.  The nurse called me and told me the e2 tripled and they had to lower my dose of Gonal but she never mentioned my other levels.  I looked them up on the patient portal then found out its not good for progesterone to be that high. 

SO I AM IN A PANIC!! 

And of course it's Sunday and I can't ask anyone at my doctors office.  I am so hoping someone will read this and tell me everything will be ok!  I know I shouldn't be stressed right now but  I am and I don't know what to do.

Stims

Well today will be Day 7 of stims.  Day 1-5 was 300 units of Gonal F and yesterday it was upped to 375.  First monitoring appt was Tuesday.  I waited a long time to be seen and got a nurse practitioner who wasn't very friendly so all I found out was that I had a bunch of follicles and she told me to keep my meds the same.  When I got home I checked online and my Estradiol level was 209, LH 1.27, and progesterone .4 also she measured 5 follicles all around 8mms.  I emailed the nurse I like and she told me everything looked good so I felt better. 

Yesterday I went for another monitoring appt.  I am sick of the 2 hour drive already and going up there every other day!!  So I requested the nurse I like this time.  She measured 7 follicles on the left and 4 on the right that were between 10-12 mms.  My Estradiol level was 495, LH 1.44 and Progesterone .5 which is about where she told me I should be.  She did up my Gonal F tho.  She told me I should be triggering on Monday and retrieval Wed and Transfer Saturday or Monday.

So I figured out how many meds I have left and I will have enough to get me thru Sunday.  If I don't trigger Monday and need to still stim I will probably only have 200 to 300 units which might not be enough.  This concerns me a lot.  It didn't seem to have the nurse worried though.  I called freedom fertility and they can send me meds if they get the script by tomorrow morning. 

I have monitoring again tomorrow so I have my fingers crossed that they just lower my dose so I have enough.  I just REALLY don't want to buy more and definitely if we don't really need it.  I hate to waste money!! So hopefully my nurse can have a good idea if its going to be needed Monday or not so I know if to order it tomorrow. 

I am trying hard to stay calm but it is not easy for me!!

So I almost forgot the best part of my appt yesterday.  She told me my lining was 7...Yes 7!!  I am in total shock...the thickest my lining ever got was 6 for my IUIs and this time its already 7!!  I hope it continues to get nice and thick!!

Here we go

So had my baseline bloodwork and ultrasound yesterday.  I was concerned it would be canceled because when I got up I still hadn't gotten my period, but by the time I got out of the shower I was a little.  They had scheduled me for Friday and had never said anything about canceling if I didn't have my period but I was still worried they would say "sorry you drove 2 hours for nothing."  The nurse said I had lots of little follicles and no cysts right now so we were good to go!  She gave us our free meds (Gonal F) and showed us how to do it.  It's nothing like I expected.  The nurse does have me worried.  She told us she think the doctor put me on too high a dose (300 units a day for 3 days).  I asked her if we should double check with the doctor and she told me "No we have to go by his plan" Well then why she say anything to me???  I am already a worrier and now I have MORE to worry about.  Thanks Lady!!  She did say if everything goes as planned retrieval might be Dec 3rd.  So next week I have to drive 2 hours for my monitoring visits Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday.  Now I gotta get those days off work.

We did bite the bullet and buy the 2 IVFs.  The financial lady (the 3rd one I've spoken to now) said we didn't have to pay or decide till the day of retrieval, but G knowing me so well said "We are buying 2 and paying today" because she knows that's all I will think about for a week and a half....wondering what is best to do.  So she just made the decision for me which I am grateful for.  Sometimes I just wish I could shut my head off!!

Today was my first Gonal F shot.  The Lupron got lowered to 5 units so G did that with no problem of course.  She's gotten very good at that and it doesn't hurt.  G and I were both worried about the Gonal F shot.  That thing is scary....well at least it is to me might not be for you brave people.  We watched videos online and G said she was ready.  She did it and says "oh that wasn't as bad as I thought" and I am thinking to myself "OMG that hurt more then I thought" LOL...But really the needle didn't hurt it was the meds...they burned really bad.  I think next time I am going to get a cotton ball to put over it right away like they did online maybe that will help with the burn...I am hoping!!  I lived through it and that is all that matters!!! =)

Hoping lots of healthy eggs are growing inside me!!

Decisions

Well we have a few decisions to make very soon.  I over think everything so it makes this very tough.  First we need to decide on a sperm donor. We are buying from Cryogentic Laboratory (CLI) and we have it down to 2.  4510 and 4207.  G picked 4510 so that is probably the one we will go with.  I was going to order today when we got home, but they closed at 3 today!! Grrr....The plus is they just posted a thanksgiving special that is 100 dollars off, but you have to order online because they are closed till Monday.  Well 4510 is actually a featured donor for November so it gets half price shipping, but when I place the order online it doesn't come up half price so I am not sure what to do.  If I wait till  Monday when I can talk to a real person the special won't be still running.  I am going to try to order tomorrow and hope it works correctly.  If it doesn't idk what I will do. 

The other decision we have to make is to buy 1 or 2 IVFs.  If we buy 1 its 5000 dollars plus 750 monitoring.  If we buy two its 7500 dollars plus 750 for each monitoring.  Each IVF comes with an FET but need to pay 750 monitoring for each FET as well.  If we deliver a baby after the first IVF or an FET then we lose the 2nd IVF.  If we need to use the 2nd IVF then we need to do it within a year of paying for them.  I really don't want to buy 2 because of the cost, but want to because then maybe I will be more calm thinking we always have a backup.  Also they told me that G could use the 2nd IVF if the first doesn't work with me and we decide to use her body instead.  The one question I have for my clinic is do you have to use all frozen embryos before using the 2nd IVF?  I saw that somewhere online and that could get costly if we have a bunch of eggs which wouldn't save us money then if we have to do more then the FET I get with the IVF.  So I emailed them that question along with others..... they answered all the other questions, but not that one so I emailed them again with it.  I am sure I wont hear back till Friday tho. 

So besides these 2 things that have been driving me crazy everything has been great.  G and I have been off for the last 2 days and actually we both have off till Saturday when I have to go back to work.  Its been wonderful to spend time with her and we actually haven't fought at all!!  I think it's because things are relaxed and we are getting time for just us!!  I really needed this.  The stress of TTC gets to me.  We went Christmas shopping yesterday and got our hair cut today!  The nicest thing tho is getting to sleep in!!  I am loving that!!

Oh the Lupron shots are going well.  G is very good at giving them...I really don't even feel them.  I am hoping we find out on Friday (our baseline) that we don't have to start monitoring till Tuesday because if we have to start Monday then I have to call off work since it's a Holiday weekend so I won't be able to request off.  One nurse told me I would have to come back Monday OR Tuesday, but another nurse told me I HAVE to come back Monday.  So I am not sure which one is right.  I am keeping my fingers crossed for Tuesday. 

Hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving!!

Our Luck

This week has been pretty lucky for us.  First thing was Monday being told we would most likely qualify for the free meds.  Then Tuesday was Bingo day!  We really do it because we enjoy it, its something we can do together, and we find it relaxing, but who doesn't like winning as well?!  Well I won first winning 50 dollars....which is the most I've ever won there.  Then they did door prizes and I won a turkey...now its a 19lb turkey which I have NO idea what to do with!! lol I can barely cook and can definitely not cook a turkey, but I won it so I am happy!! Luckily my mom will probably cook it for us! =)  Georgia won 20 dollars in one game then she won the last game and it was for about 250 dollars!  It wasn't the 2000 dollar game I REALLY wanted to win, but we would take it!!

Wednesday I called my new docs office financial department (they were suppose to call me actually but never did)  They made excuses saying they thought the other girl called me. Oh well doesn't matter now.  They ordered my Lupron and told me it would be 150 but when Apothecary by Design called me to get my credit card and shipping info they told me it would only be 99!  So more good news.

Thursday I got a call and was told we did qualify for free meds so we were going to be getting 3500 worth of free meds!!! YAY!!


So this brings us to yesterday..... we went to the new Doc's (Dr. K) office for the first time.  We LOVED it!!  And we finally got to meet Dr. K.  I had talked to him on the phone but G hadn't even gotten to do that.  He is even better in person.  Dr. K did my HSG which surprised me.  I was sure he had staff to do testing etc, but I was wrong.  Him and his nurse were so great and understand with my anxiety problems and this HSG went much smoother then my last one!!  Everything looked good Dr. K said!!  Yay more good news!!  G of course couldn't be in there with me so she was concerned she wouldn't get to meet Dr. K.  But when we were in another room waiting for blood work and to be shown how to do the Lupron shots he popped in and met G and this gave me a chance to find out when to stop the awful BCPs.  He told me to start 10ccs of the Lupron daily that day then to take my last BCP Tuesday and come in for baseline Friday!  G really liked Dr K too!  So they took a TON of blood from me.  I guess they are doing genetic testing???  Idk I've never had that done before.  Then the nurse was about to show us how to do the Lupron shots.  I had asked to be shown because G had said since my first shot incident that she would NEVER give me one again.  The nurse convinced her to try to do them again.  Telling her I won't pass out this time.  I think G seeing her do it and me not pass out helped a ton with her decision.  I am just so grateful she has agreed to do them.  I really wasn't sure if I could do them and didn't want to drive somewhere every night to have someone else do it.  So Yay more good news!!  We got a tour of the facility....its very nice.  We feel really good about all this.  I have since the day I decided to switch to this doc.  I really hope everything keeps going so smoothly and we will be pregnant before Christmas!!

I am also thinking about doing acupuncture.  What are your thoughts??  My fertility center has a wellness spa connected that does it.  It isn't cheap but I am thinking since I had thin lining troubles in the past a few sessions before might be a good idea.  I get one free session the day of transfer I guess.  So I am thinking I would pay for 2 or 3 sessions before and then use my free one.  I have to call and ask them about that. 

We are just so excited things are moving so quickly!! 

Confusion

Sorry that I didn't update sooner, but there as been a lot of confusion about starting my IVF process so I didn't want to post till I got all that cleared up!  Wednesday was my phone consult with my new doctor.  I LOVE him.  He was so nice and enthusiastic, but did talk way to fast so I didn't catch everything which might have led to some of the confusion. lol  After talking to him he had his financial department call me who I guess set everything up.  Well 2 woman from that department called me and gave me different stories and both said they would talk to the doc and get back to me, but didn't so since my new doc had given me his cell number I texted him to asking him to call me to explain.  Yes my doc gave me his cell number I couldn't believe it!!  And he called me that night at 8:30 and cleared everything up for me.  If you can believe this I still haven't even given them a dime yet and they are doing all this planning for me.  I am very impressed.

Anyways I go for another HSG and I am assuming bloodwork as well on Friday.  Then the doctor is going to discuss with me when I start the Lupron.  And from what I understand if everything looks ok I will start it right away.  Then in a bit stop taking my BCPs so that I get my period and can get a baseline U/S.  I then think I start Gonal F.  I am hoping after Friday more will be explained.

His office also gave me information to apply for free injectables which I did and they are telling me I should qualify!  That would be great and I hope to know in a few days.  I guess I would get 3000 units of Gonal F and 1 ovidrel.  If anyone wants the information to apply just comment or email me and I will get you the information.

Today my old docs office called (I guess my new doc requested my records) and told me I would have to pay them 50 dollars before they would send my records.  I was upset, but in the end paid them because my new doc wants the information about my surgeries.  I told them I would only pay if they sent my doc a copy in the mail and faxed me a copy.  That way I will always have my own copy so I won't have to pay them the 50 dollars again.  My family doc has actually been wanting to see my records because she doesn't believe I have PCOS because I am not over weight.

So I am hopeful this will all go smoothly and I will know if we are pregnant before Christmas!  What a great present that would be!!

Preparing for Tomorrow

So tomorrow is a big day for us.  Well at least it feels this way for me.  I think it is going to be the start of the end of this infertility journey.  Tomorrow is our phone consult with our new doc and I am hoping to start IVF ASAP. The new clinic just feels right and so far I really like them.  The woman that emailed me the paperwork I needed before our phone consult was very nice and emailed me back right away with any questions I had.  I have NEVER had that with a doc before.  Usually its days and many phone calls/emails before I hear back. 

Right now I am trying to get everything ready for the consult.  I want everything written down so I don't forget to ask or tell him something...even tho I know I will forget something I always do!! lol Does anyone have any suggestions??

I hope the doc wants to start ASAP for two reasons.  1. of course we just want to get started already!! and 2. because I want to stop taking these dumb BCPs.  Poor G I rip her head off about every other day.  I don't know how straight people take these all the time.  I hate them!!

I really need to pick a new sperm donor as well.  During our IUI attempts we used 3 different donors and every time I put lots of work into finding the perfect one.  This time I am just not as excited about it.  I have already decided we are going to use cryogenic laboratories as long as our new doc says that's ok.  So one decision down.  Now I just have to go through all their donors and narrow it down.  Then I have to decide how many vials to order.  We only need 1 for the IVF from what I have been told about our new clinic, but should I buy extras for when G does IVF??  I only want to carry once I told G (who wants lots of kids) if she wants more then she has to carry the rest!  She does want to carry and she wants them to be biologically hers so we wouldn't use any embryos I might have left over after my IVF unless for some reason hers aren't good.  G has never been tested or gone through any of these fertility things (lucky her).  She is a supervisor with crazy work hours so we just thought it was best for me to try first.  I know I am acting like this IVF try will work the first time.  I just feel like it will and I believe being positive about this is a good thing!!  I sometimes have trouble being positive!!  So if you have any thoughts or suggestions about how many vials I should store please let me know!...I guess I should put that on my list to ask the doc!!

I am pretty excited about tomorrow.  The appt is at 7 am.  I probably won't be able to sleep tonight, but luckily it's first thing in the morning so I won't have to wait all day tomorrow.  Also another thing I am excited about is it is Tuesday.  That means Bingo day lol....Yes G and I act older then we are.  We usually go to Bingo on Tuesday evenings.  We enjoy it and tonight we could win 2000 dollars so that would be a huge help with paying for IVF.  So keep your fingers crossed for us!! 

Venting

Ok so I need to vent a little.  It is somewhat off topic, but I need to do it.  G's sister M is basically worthless. She has 4 kids.  The kids are N, T, E, D.  E lives with his father because D's father abused him.  D's father is in jail for doing that.  Also M went to jail for allowing the abuse to happen.  Ok so that is some background hope you were able to follow all that!

Well if you can't tell she is SELFISH.  And I won't go into every example of that or I would be writing for days.  I will just talk about what I am upset about right now.  She has multiple criminal charges with fines of course.  She over drafts her account every week and pays huge over draft fees, she is a smoker so buys cigs every day, and she has a terrible driving record so pays 400 a month for insurance plus 300 for a car payment.  BUT (and here is why I am mad) she has NO money for her kids.  She didn't get them Halloween costumes and wasn't even going to take them trick-or-treating last night because (another reason I am mad) she let her boyfriend take her car to work.  So G to the rescue.  I would of told her you should have bought your kids stuff and you shouldn't have let your boyfriend come before them.  I would have taken her to get her car so that she could take her own kids trick-or-treating, but not what G did.   M knows her family will bail her out.  They always do.  And they shouldn't because her kids suffer long term.

So why does this upset me so much?  I am sure you guys know.  Its because M was able to pop out 4 kids no problem and doesn't take care of them and here we are struggling.  We would do anything to get pregnant and would do everything for our child/children but she doesn't do anything for hers.  Those kids have to take care of themselves or other people have to. M never does anything for them, but will do anything for herself or her boyfriend.  Actually I think she takes better care of his kids then she does her own.  Physically makes me so sick.  It is disgusting.

So sorry for my rant.  I just needed to get it off my chest.

New Plan - Plan F

Well the plan has completely changed.  I am calling this Plan F since its our 6th try/change.  We will now be going to a doc in NY and probably doing IVF.  I talked to them Tuesday and scheduled a phone consult for Nov 7th.  They were soooo nice and my appt is with the main doctor.  He is the one who open/created the 3 fertility centers he has.  They emailed me paperwork and sign on information to fill out patient information to prepare for our appt. (which I still need to do)  Oh and guess what..... the consult is FREE!!  I was totally shocked.  We have gotten nothing for free during this struggle.  I think this says a lot for their center.  I just feel so good about this now.  Monday was such a bad day after hearing how much money our IVM would be so I decided to make that Negative a Positive.  This just feels right.

Everything I have heard/read about this center is great.  I love that they have a fb page and people have left positive feedback.  Also they put all their pricing on their website so I believe there won't be any curve balls thrown at us regarding money anyways.  I think there will always be other curve balls when dealing with fertility because nothing ever goes as plan with it.  This place is much cheaper.  IVF at Dr R's he said was 18,000 and since he under quotes as I have learned its probably closer to 25,000.  Well at this new center it's 5,000 plus meds which they say is about 3,000 and monitoring which they charge 750 for.  Plus we can save 10 percent by prepaying!  Also we can buy multiple IVFs for cheaper.  Which we might do. I just want to find out more details about that first.  Oh and included with that 5,000 is a FET as well. 

Now the only downfall is I have to call and cancel my appts at Dr. Rs.  I just really don't want to call and do that, but it has to be done soon. 

If you can't tell I am so happy and excited with this choice which is not like me. Usually I am nervous and freaking out with changes.  So this just seems right in so many ways.  I hope my gut is right and we will be pregnant soon!!

Bad News

So I said last Friday I was going to call my doc and make all my appts..... well they were closed so I had to do it today.  A blessing in disguise I guess because it would have ruined my weekend.  I never imagined they would tell me what they did.  I got all my appts set up no problem, but then I asked about cost so that I could have the money ready.  Well the doc told us at our appt everything would cost 8000.  I told him my insurance wouldn't cover anything and I wanted to know how much it all would be total and that is what he said.  Well I didnt believe him and budgeted for 10,000 thinking that surely would be enough.  Well I was very wrong.  All my appts before I even start the cycle will cost $970.  Then what I have to pay at my first ultrasound for the IVM will be $9,900.  Then we have to have 2 vials of ICI sperm 900 dollars total.  I still have NO idea why they need two????  You need less sperm for IVM especially using ICSI which I asked if that was included in the 9,900 and was told yes so why do I need two vials of sperm???  The lady couldn't give me an answer! 

So we are looking at almost 12,000 without the cost of medications.  Right now we don't have that and I am worried about doing it with this clinic.  Now I just don't feel right about it.  I feel lied to and like they are trying to get extra money especially when they are making me buy 2 vials. 

I have till Nov 12th to make up my mind.  I am going to look into another clinic and see if I can get a consult with them.  There I believe IVF is cheaper, but I don't think they do IVM which I don't like.  I guess I just have to figure out is what's best for us.  Right now I have no idea!!

Awful "Diet"

So I am still not doing well with this new "diet" to gain weight.  It is hard and now I know what all the "dieters" feel like.  I want sooo much to go back to how I always ate.  Forcing myself to eat things I don't really like and to eat when I am not even hungry is not fun.  So I can understand how people trying to lose weight must feel.  I am guilty for thinking "how hard can it be to diet?"  Well now I am eating those words.  Its Fing hard!!  I just wish I could switch with one of my friends trying to lose weight.  If she ate what I like to eat and I eat what she likes to eat it would work out perfect.  But of course this can't happen =( I miss veggies and fruits soooooo much and I am hating milk and meat more then I did to begin with!

Last weekend G and I went to Philly to visit my sister.  We went to the Zoo, Penns Landing, and South Street.  It was nice to spend time with my sister and get away from home.  Here is a pic of us last weekend!

Today I have to call the doctors office and make the appt for mock transfer and biopsy.  I have been putting it off because they scare me but it needs to be done.  Also I need to make an appt for our education class.  We had this for our IUIs but I guess we need a new one for IVM. 

I have been soooo nervous about spending close to 10,000 on IVM.  I am terrified it won't work and all we will be left with is a huge bill.  I know I can tax deduct it but I am not sure how much that will help us in the end.  We are redoing our front porch and the timing is awful.  Its been something we've wanted to do for awhile and had a contractor look into it more then a year ago.  He is starting work now of course.  I guess when it rains it pours so its more money I will have to borrow. 

Borrowing money freaks me out.  I wasn't brought up that way.  My dad makes good money now but my parents came from poor families and really struggled for a long time when I was little so I saw them try to save money anyway they could.  So I am "cheap" as my dad tells me.  My mom then tells him its because of them that I am. lol They hardly ever borrowed money and never used credit cards the "normal" way.  Mom always used the credit card so she wouldn't have to carry cash but paid it off every month.  I now do the same.  I call it using the credit card companies lol I don't like to have any debit besides my house and car payments...anything else makes me VERY nervous.  My mom jokes and says they didn't pay me off till I was 3 years old! lol They didn't have health insurance so they just made payments.  I keep trying to remind myself of this.  It is really the same idea...they were willing to have me even though they didn't have the money.  It is a little different but the same idea.  G and I will make it work.  I just hope we have a baby at the end of this struggle because that will make all the money spent worth it!

IVM

Ok so I went and saw the Dietitian.  I am underweight...I knew that!!  I am 5'7" and weigh about 112.  I don't get enough calories in a day.  I like fruits and veggies not as much meat and cheese.  So a diet change is in order.  I know I am not going to like this.  I need to drink whole milk a lot more, drink carnation instant breakfast every morning, if I eat a salad I have to put eggs or meat on it plus eat bread, and I just have to eat a lot more cheese, meat, peanut butter, bread, and pasta.  I am trying my best, but not doing well yet.  Its hard to make a change and especially when I am trying to force it and anyone I told about it is forcing bites of food down my throat!  Ugh we will see how this goes!

I mentioned in my last blog I was hoping to do the shared egg program for IVF my doc offers well there isn't anyone wanting eggs so that's probably a no go.  He said he will keep us in mind if someone comes in needing eggs but I am not going to hold my breath.  I did find out if we were able to do that it would still cost us about 4000-6000 dollars depending on the other person's insurance coverage. 

So now what do we do??  Well I asked him what he suggested now and he mentioned injectable IUIs and I told him we wanted to be more aggressive.  So he thinks we should do IVM.  Most people probably don't know what it is and haven't even heard of it.  It's not done much and Dr. R is one of the few docs in the US who do it I think.  If you go to www.IVFandIVM.com you can find more information about it.  I am hoping someone out there will do a search and find this blog who has done IVM and give me some info because I don't know anyone who has done it and would like to.  It is going to cost us around 8000-9000 but IVF at my doc is 18000-20000.  So its cheap in comparison I guess.  There are many positives with IVM for me one is that its less meds so less shots whoo hoo!! lol Also Dr R gets better results with IVM then IVF so it ups our odds too.  So I started birth control and I go off that Nov 18th I think.  I had already been taking the Metformin, prenatals, vit D and fish oil but now I have to take Co Q 10 also.  None of it is cheap but the Co Q 10 was over 20 dollars for a month supply I was kinda shocked. 

So next month I have to get a biopsy of my uterus which is suppose to help with implanting.  My lining has always been thin so we are going to try anything to help with implanting! If anyone has any other suggestions to help with lining please let me know!! I also have to do a mock transfer.  I am thinking about doing these both at same time to save on travel and pain.  When I had my SIS (Saline Infusion Sonohysterography) done he couldn't get into my uterus so he had to put a painful clamp thing on my cervix.  He said he would do them both at same time, but that its making a short painful process a lot longer.  So I need to think about it. 

I am VERY nervous about spending that kind of money.  I might have been freaking out for a few days and G has had to calm me down.  lol If it works then its all worth it, but if it doesn't it will be very hard.  IVM should be in Dec so my friends and family won't be getting much for Christmas this year! lol

In the Present

So this finally brings us to the PRESENT!! Yay I did it!! lol I was able to get all the background done before the end of the weekend. We have an appt with Dr. Rose tomorrow to discuss our options. No more IUIs. We would like to do the Shared Egg Program he offers where I share my eggs with another couple/woman and it pays for most of my IVF. When I called about a month ago I wasn't able to get much information about it they just scheduled me for an appt with the doc to discuss it.  She did tell me they didn't have anyone waiting for eggs so that's not good news.  Hopefully something has changed since then.  I would really like to help someone else while saving us some money, but if we have to pay we will find a way.  We have a little savings, but not enough to pay for IVF and all the meds that go with it.  My insurance will not pay for injectables or IVF. 

G and I are having a 31 and Tupperware party tonight so I really need to get cleaning this house!!  I work a half day tomorrow then off to see a dietitian before seeing Dr. Rose.  I am under weight.... I always have been, but really want to weigh more.  I believe it might help with fertility as well so I talked to my doc about it and got an appt at 2 and we see Dr. Rose at 5.  Hopefully both appts go well!  I will let you know!

New Doctor New Start

So Dr. R's main office is about 2.5 hours away but he comes closer about an hour away once a month.  So we make the appt for 9/13/11.  I fought with Geisinger (where my previous doc was) to get all my records faxed to me to take with me.  Took awhile but was able to get them.  Wish I knew where I put them then I would of had more details about the follicles lol I hadn't thought of that till right now oops lol oh well...anyways I highlighted parts I wanted to point out and ask questions about to Dr. R.  It was probably close to 100 pages long.  One part even said I was in early menopause which no one had told me...luckily when I saw Dr. R he confirmed this wasn't true thank god!  But he discovered I do have PCOS and starts me on 1500mg of Metformin and birth control.  He also saw I have polyps and might have endometriosis.  No wonder I wasn't getting pregnant...this made me more mad we had wasted our 3 tries paid thru insurance. Too late now.  So I was scheduled for surgery December 2nd.  He also discusses our options IUI of course, IVM, and IVF.  We weren't ready to spend a lot of money at that time.  I believed once we have the surgery IUI will work. 

Surgery went well and I go off the birth control and was given femera this time.  I call the docs office to discuss how I have the sperm delivered.  He is able to store the sperm there and actually has a stock of donors there, but we want to send the one we had used last time.  On the phone, I find out it will cost an extra 300 dollars plus 50 dollars a month for storage just to have it there so we look into the donors he has and find one we like.  Our first ultrasound with him is done on Jan 21st.  We had to be in his local office at 7, but there was a bad snow storm and it took us forever to get there we luckily got there a few mins before the ultrasound tech had to leave and they were able to do it.  I had many good follicles again but my lining wasn't good.  That's a problem I had with all my IUIs so he gave me a script for Estrogen I believe.  It made me very sick and I wasn't able to keep any food down till I was able to stop taking it after the IUI.  Our 4th IUI was on Jan 23rd in his main office.  My friend drove me because G had just started a new job and wasn't able to take off.  It went well but 2 weeks later I got my period AGAIN!  This IUI cost us 1500 dollars plus meds so we were outta money and our relationship wasn't doing well after all these ups and downs.  I had some mood swings with all the meds and idk how to describe it but felt like a baby making machine I guess so this caused some problems in our relationship.  We took time off from trying to save some money and work on us.  It was a huge struggle and I wasn't sure we would make it, but we did and are ready to start trying again.

3rd Try must be a Charm!....Wrong!

Ok so this brings us to IUI #3.  We took another month off to save up money.  Insurance paid some but not all and we didn't want to take out loans.  Plus emotionally I needed time to recover.  We started looking for a new donor to see if that would help.  We found a donor 6'1" brown eyes with auburn curly hair #4001 which we liked even more then the first.  I was sure this was going to be our time!  We did 100mg of clomid again and this time our timing was better only needed one U/S.  It was on June 28th, 2011.  Again I wish I could remember how many follicles but I know I had at least 4 that were good sized so the IUI was scheduled for June 30th.  I overnighted the sperm to the clinic. Again Ha to Mean Nurse I was able to get it there in plenty of time!! 

Every time we were sure we were pregnant but again after the tww and many BFN home pregnancy tests my period came again.  It was hard on us both.  We weren't sure what to do now and I was upset we hadn't changed methods or doctors sooner while I still had insurance coverage.  My friend went to a different doc Dr. R for her IUIs so I decided to call and make an appt with him.  I knew he cost a lot more and my family doc had referred us to Dr G so that is why we hadn't gone to him in the first place.  So now I was kicking myself for not going to him but it was too late we didn't have a time machine unfortunately!! 

Try # 2

I guess I should start out by saying I am sorry it has taken me sooo long to write again.  I was trying to do it everyday and well that only worked for 3 days lol Now I have to hurry and try to give all the rest of the background ASAP so I can get to the present!!  I hope to do this by the end of the weekend....that is my challenge for myself!

So April 13th 2011 we have an appt with Dr. G to discuss our options from here.  I never thought we would be there discussing try #2 since of course we were gonna get pregnant on the first try....WRONG!  Seemed like everything went wrong on the first try which I had predicted and tried to prevent and I made sure Dr. G knew this!  Dr. G told me it would be fine to get the sperm delivered after we have our ultrasound to see how many follicles (ha take that Mean Nurse lol) but that if I was about to ovulate and it was a weekend I might not be able to get the sperm delivered in time and I might have to overnight it.  I was ok with both those things and had tried to tell Mean Nurse that as well!!  Overnighting it and paying for the two week tank (which I had to do the first time since we had no idea how soon we would be using the sperm) were about the same cost anyways.  So I was happy about this and actually Dr. G made sure to tell this to Mean Nurse right in front of me!! Again making me feel good! lol Also she said she was going to up my Clomid to 100mg or we could consider injectables and gave me the info about that.  I don't do well with needles as mentioned earlier so I wanted to wait on that.  I did look up the cost and it was going to be about 1500 dollars for just the meds.  So anyways we left that appt feeling much better and now feeling like the 2nd try was going to be the one!

This time we had an ultra sound on day 3 to make sure the cyst was gone and it was so I was able to start the clomid.  Mean Nurse does all the ultra sounds and scheduling them so after we were finished she went to schedule our day 11 U/S and made sure to remind us that we HAD to have to sperm delivered that day.  I reminded her what the doc had said she acted like she didn't remember but I just ignored her.  I remember clomid having a lot of side effects and being very moody.  I know this wasn't easy for G.  April 28th we go in for our 2nd ultra sound for this cycle.  I wish I had written down our follicle numbers and sizes because of course now I forget!! Booo!  Anyways I believe we had about 4 on each side that were ok in size but not big enough yet.  That was a Thursday so they had me come back on Monday for another ultra sound and my follicles then were REALLY big.  In the late 20s if I remember right and a few 16s.  I was concerned they were too big but the doc didn't seem concerned.   I ordered the sperm and was able to get it delivered Monday didn't even have to pay extra for shipping so it worked out (ha take that again Mean Nurse)  So we triggered that Monday when we got home.  I had my friend who was going to nursing school run over to our house to give me the shot because G refuses to do it again!  The next morning we had our 2nd IUI (May 3rd).  We used the same donor and I even got Fairfax to give us free shipping because I had missed a sale they were having by one day and I called and asked if I could still have it and they said yes!!  I always say "it can't hurt to call and ask...the worst they can say is no!"  I use that philosophy if I ever get a late fee too...sometimes I forget to pay a bill oops lol ...and I am pretty sure I have been successful every time at getting them to take the charges off.  I am CHEAP lol you can ask G... if I can save a buck I will take the time to do it.  She is the opposite and that drives me crazy sometimes lol

So I wish there was a happy ending to this blog but there isn't sadly.  My period came after the 2ww.  I didn't even bother going for the blood work.  FAIL # 2! 

To end on a better note I will post a pic of G and I.  This is from our last Vacation in Arizona!

1st Shot

So this brings us to our 1st IUI.  I guess I should back track a little and say yes I am the one trying to carry our baby.  G would like to carry as well but we decided to try with me first.  I have 3 IUIs (lifetime max) covered by my insurance.  G was going through a lot of work changes (new company and new promotions) so it wasn't the best for her to try now not knowing if she could get time off or what insurance she would have. 

I started 50 mg clomid the end of Feb 2011 with high hopes that I was making a lot of eggs.  We had even had the discussion of multiples and what we would do if we got pregnant with 2, 3 or even more.  We had a plan we were comfortable with and agreed with.  Because Dr. G wanted to save on cost for her clients she normally doesn't do ultrasounds (U/S) till day 10 or 11 of the cycle.  This concerned me because they wanted me to buy and have the sperm delivered the day of my U/S.  The sperm cost 900 with shipping so if this cycle had to be cancelled I didn't want to also pay to ship it back and store it.  I called the office to explain this and the nurse told me this was the doctors policy and there was nothing we could do.  So I ordered and had it shipped with a bad feeling.  This caused her to have the nick name "Mean Nurse". 

We went for our U/S on Feb 28th.  I was very nervous and my nightmare came true.  As Mean Nurse is doing the U/S she tells us there is only one follicle in the one ovary (18mm) and the other one has a cyst.  She said she thought the Doc would cancel the cycle.  Of course I was mad and sad.  I told her "I told you so!" and cried.  She said "we can ship the sperm back and try again next month everything will be fine."  I said " no its not fine...it will cost us over 400 dollars to ship it back, store it, and then ship it again...are you going to pay that?"  She left and I sobbed in Gs arms.  I guess Mean Nurse thought we would be following her and when we didn't leave the room she came back in and said "I don't know why you're so upset"  and she was wanting to show us how to do the trigger shot (ovidrel) just in case we did do the IUI.  G went out with her to learn because she knew I wanted to rip the nurse's head off.  You would think a person who deals with hormonal women on a daily basis would be more understanding.  We left and soon the nurse was calling to say the doc wanted to do the IUI.  I wondered if she had told her how upset I was and they were scared not to do it.  G and I talked it over.  We didn't want to waste all the money shipping it, but we didn't want to waste one of our IUI tries.  We decided we would try since we did have one good follicle and it only takes one right? 

G had to give me the trigger shot because I am not good with needles...something which I thought I had explained to G but I guess not!  Mean Nurse told G I had to be sitting up during the shot so that there was something to grab onto to give the shot since I am thin.  I told G I wanted to lay down (again thinking I had told her I faint during shots) but she insisted we do it as we were told.  I remember prepping for the shot then waking up in a sweat with G freaking out on the phone saying something like "I don't know the name of the shot...it was a fertility drug."  She had called 911 thinking she had killed me.  I was able to say ovidrel and that I was okay.  She told them we were okay and they didn't need to come.  G was obviously very worried, but upset I hadn't told her that could happen.  Honestly I thought she knew!!  So to this day she refuses to give me my shots which makes things difficult.

Anyways we go in for the IUI March 3rd.  The doc has me sign papers and shows me our sperm vial with 4034 on it.  Tells me the numbers for it.  I can't remember now, but the sperm count and mobility was good.  We were shocked how little sperm you get for the cost.  Now we had a 2ww (two week wait) before we knew if it worked.  After a week I went for blood work to check my progesterone.  It was good meaning I had ovulated...good news!  Around day 10 I began doing what everyone going through this is told not to do but still does....I started peeing on a stick hoping for a BFP but only saw BFNs.  I was having what I thought was "pregnancy symptoms"  I even googled them every day (again something you shouldn't do but we all do it anyways).  But really how would I know what the symptoms are like I've never been pregnant! I still hadn't gotten my period after 2 weeks so I was still hopeful even after my blood work, but a few hours before I get the results I got my period.  I of course cried even when I got the call with the bad news.  I felt like I had lost a baby....a baby I was never even pregnant with.  G doesn't really show emotion, but of course she was disappointed as well.  The whole 2 weeks we had acted like I was pregnant.  No heavy lifting, no caffeine or alcohol, and G couldn't smoke around me.  She was actually even working on quiting.  We decided to take a month off and make an appt to talk to Dr. G about what we would try next. 

Where We Started

G and I always knew that we wanted to have kids.  G has two sisters and they have 5 children.  We have them a lot and enjoy being Aunts.  Like I said earlier we knew that there were ways we could still have babies and we were sure that it wouldn't be hard.  My friend had 4 IUIs and got pregnant 3 times one was a miscarriage but she has 2 beautiful girls.  So I thought "well then how hard can it be?"  I thought it would take maybe 3 IUIs at most!  I guess I should probably explain what IUIs are and more on the fertility process for some who might be new at this or for you lucky people that never have to go through all this!

IUI - Intrauterine insemination - is performed by threading a very thin flexible catheter through the cervix and injecting washed sperm directly into the uterus.

Other Acronyms you will see in my blog:

BFN - Big Fat Negative

BFP - Big Fat Positive

Ok with some of that explained (there will be a lot more) maybe you wont be so confused!  We are able to do IUIs because you can buy donor sperm...obviously G and I don't have our own sperm. lol  And guess where you can buy it?....Yes the internet!  I am sure you are not surprised since you can pretty much buy anything on there! 

So we had discussed doing this for a long time but Summer 2010 is when we started getting serious about it.  Our relationship was great and G had moved in with me.  Since we couldn't legally get married we thought our next logical step was to start our family.  So I talked to my family doctor who I love.  She had to see a specialist to get pregnant with her twin boys and she had one patient who had a baby by donor sperm so when she gave me a referral for a fertility specialist (Dr G) I was again sure it was going to be easy!  Over the years, I have had trouble with my periods etc and had lots of tests done, but they could never find out what was wrong.  The docs told me I would probably have to see a specialist to get pregnant (that was of course before I was with a woman).  My hopes were still high thinking that all I needed was some fertility drugs and the IUI and everything would work out fine.  I figured I probably don't ovulate on my own but with the meds and the timing with the IUI I would have no trouble.  As you will soon find out that is not the case =(

So G and I talked it over and scheduled an appt with Dr G for November 2010.  She was very nice and told us what our options were, gave us information on sperm banks, and had me schedule a hysterosalpingogram (HSG).  The HSG is a special xray with dye to make sure my tubes were open.  That was scheduled for December.  G was very sick so her sister agreed to go with me.  It was raining really hard and we were late....the day just kept getting better and better.  I was sure, as we were running into the hospital getting soaked, that they would tell me I would have to reschedule.  (I tend to think negatively and I am trying to work on that!!)  But they checked me in and sent me to where I needed to go.  The nurse asked me a lot of questions and was very surprise I was there when my partner was a woman.  So I explained to her about donor sperm and IUI.  I was shocked she hadn't seen other woman like me but maybe she was new in that department! lol Anyways it was a male doctor who didn't speak good English so I suddenly got very nervous.  I had always had female doctors and Dr. G is female as well.  He explained what was going to happen...very little I was able to understand.  It wasn't awful but it was definitely painful and I got faint when the doctor had me sit up right away.  I tried to tell him but he wasn't understanding me but thank god the nurse did (the table I was on was very high and it would have been a long painful fall).  I asked the nurse what the doctor had said since I didn't understand and was feeling faint when he was telling me how it went.  She told me my tubes were clear and they didn't see any problems. 

The next thing G and I did was try to pick a sperm bank and a donor.  Man is that a task.  There are many sperm banks and then there are many donors.  We picked a sperm bank Fairfax.  Then sat down and decided what features we wanted.  I went through all the donors that met that criteria and looked through their medical history and narrowed it down from there.  It feels like you are picking the "perfect" mate.  Its weird and exciting at the same time.  I had it down to 3 so we bought their baby pics and I printed out all the information so we could really think about it.  I asked my friends and they got just as excited. lol It all was still new and exciting so it was actually fun to talk and think about.  After a few weeks we finally picked number 4034 a brown haired green eyed man with a degree in business management.  We hadn't looked at price while deciding and of course he was the most expensive because he was an ID donor (child can contact donor when 18 if he or she wishes).  But we just went with it.....we didn't want to pick a "cheap" donor! lol  His sperm would cost 900 dollars for our first IUI. Ekkk!

First Time

Well here it goes my first blog post.  I am nervous and excited to start this process.  I worry about my writing so I apologize in advance for any mistakes!  These days with all the facebook messages, texts, and emails I don't get much practice with writing complete sentences and paragraphs.  Things have definitely changed.  I wanted to write a blog after reading other blogs that have been so helpful to me.  I discovered other people have had the same struggles as me and reading their blogs assisted me in many ways so I thought maybe if I wrote I could help someone else.  If I only help one person feel better about their situation then it's all worth it!

I have decided to begin writing this in a few different sections at first.  I have a lot of background information to get out and I think it would be very overwhelming for you and me to have it all in the first post.  So I plan on splitting up our long journey. 

A quick overview is that I am Amanda Raye so yes I am female and if you haven't guessed from part of my title ("mothers") my partner (G) is female as well.  I am not sure how public we want to be so her name will be "G" on this blog.  We have been trying to get pregnant for about 2 years.  Since we can't do it the "old fashioned way" in the 2 years we have only got to try 4 times.  We have done 4 IUIs so far.  G and I never thought it would be this hard to start our family.  When people asked us about kids when we were first together we always said "there are ways we can have kids" and didn't really think we would be struggling.  Actually we were sure our first try would work.  Which I am sure happens to all couples no matter what sexual orientation and I don't think it was wrong for us to hope for the best but we definitely were not planning for the worst.  Infertility is very hard to deal with and it took a toll on both of us individually and as a couple.  BUT I will get into all that soon!